Friday, July 06, 2007

American Pie 5 - the Naked Mile - Lowering the Bar

Okay, lets have a show of hands here; Who watches any of the American Pie movies for the plot, writing, or acting? You arean idiot, or liar.

Let's face it, nobody watches them for anything but the gratuitous nudity, if you have any other ideas, you will be disappointed. I luckily missed out on most of the franchise,but rather enjoyedthe first one, thinking that every generation should have it's own version of "Porky's". Sadly,those movies too lost whatever charm they had after only a couple installments.

"The Naked Mile," starring this generation of "B"actors, ranks right down there with Porky's 4 or maybe even that old late night HBO standard, "H.O.T.S." Yes, I am bringing up that movie, one so bad that even eighteen year old boys talked about how bad it sucked, and never missed it when it came around on rotation.Everyone didn't have a DVD playeror even a VCR so you had to count on HBO recycling those old classics. It is one of those movies that follows a theme I've mentioned before, really bad movies that you still end up watching.

Maybe I have finally passed the stage where I can like these movies, but I doubt it. The movie is just lame, contrived, with plotting and jokes backing things up worse than straight to video soft-core porn. Seriously, Ron Jeremy has a better laugh track. If you're just coming to this movie for the obligational nudity, it's also lame,like watching those twilight Girls Gone Wild info-mercials without the little black dots. There's a lot of it, but it's all brief, and scattered.

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